A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick."
The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?"
The man answers, "Three reasons: I like to watch my money grow I like to play with my money. And next time my wife wants to blow a hundred bucks, she won't have to leave the house!"
Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a senior citizen's residence. They met one day in the social center, and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and she accepted.
They had a lovely evening and afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the feathers.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.
Claude was thinking: "If I'd have known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd have known he could still get it up, I'd have taken off my panty-hose."
